Parashat Vayikra

Psychologists studied how criminals defended themselves during parole hearings. These criminals were apologizing for crimes ranging from speeding to murder. Perhaps surprisingly, giving an explanation for the crime was the least successful defense. It had the least impact on the judge. I used to do these sorts of apologies like these all the time. Whether true or not, it just sounds like an excuse, even if you’re taking ownership in the process. For example, a parole board does not want to hear “I drove drunk because I was exhausted and in a really bad place mentally, and I take full responsibility for that poor decision.”

So what were the most effective apologies? Apologies with the promise of good future behavior. The judge wanted to hear things like, “I plan to attend AA meetings every Tuesday and Friday and to avoid driving to social events with alcohol.”

This research correlates with the Torah’s model for apologizing to God. It’s a two-stage process in this week’s parashah. First, verbally confess what you did wrong. Just the bare facts. No contextualizing. And then straight away bring your guilt-offering to the Lord. We immediately display our remorse through action. And we set the tone for a change in our behavior. This is the best way to make an apology. And it’s an approach that has stood the test of time.

Shabbat Shalom.