Parashat Tetzaveh

You see a busker playing the violin in a train station. You give them money as you walk past and carry on with your day. But it’s a shame in a way. Just 30 seconds more of your time, and you could have taken this mitzvah to the next level. Thirty seconds more of your time could have made your gift mean more to that busker than any other they received that day. So what am I talking about? What happens during those 30 seconds? 

To understand this, let’s consider God’s logic when asking us to light the Menorah in the Temple and do so much of the building work. The Midrash teaches a beautiful story to make the point:

“I don’t need the light of the Menorah. Rather, I want to let you provide me with light as I did for you, to elevate you in the eyes of the nations, who will say that Israel provides light for God, who provides light for all. A parable about a sighted man and a blind man walking together. The sighted man said to the blind man, ‘Come, and I will support you,’ and thus the blind man walked. When they came to the house, the sighted man said to the blind man, ‘Go out and light the candle for me so that you don’t owe me a favor for accompanying you.”

When you give someone money, they are grateful, but they also feel indebted. A feeling of guilt if they don’t give something back. This is an idea in psychology known as the Reciprocity Principle. That all changes if you hang around for 30 seconds. You show the busker playing the violin that you genuinely appreciated his performance. You tell him how much you enjoyed it and only then give him the money. And in the process, you wipe away any sense of debt. You are exchanging gifts. He is giving you the gift of his music, and you are giving him a financial gift in return. Another example is when someone thanks you for donating to their charity page. Why not respond by thanking them for the opportunity to give to such a worthwhile cause? Tell them you were looking for meaningful ways to spend your money, and they’ve given you one? So paradoxically, remarkably, the best way to give, and this applies to all people in our lives, is not by giving, it’s by exchanging – in a way that allows the other person to feel validated that they have given you something in return. 

And this is why God gives us so many beautiful opportunities, through Torah and mitzvot, to give back to God and the world around us. 

Shabbat shalom!