Parashat Behar-Bechukotai

In this week’s parashah, Bechukotai, we encounter the Tochachah – a series of blessings for following God’s laws and warnings for straying from them. At first glance, it can feel very transactional: do “A” and get “B.” But Rashi’s commentary reveals a model for guiding behavior through transparency, fairness, and trust – one relevant to parents and educators.​The parashah begins אִם־בְּחֻקֹּתַ֖י תֵּלֵ֑כוּ וְאֶת־מִצְוֺתַ֣י תִּשְׁמְר֔וּ וַעֲשִׂיתֶ֖ם אֹתָֽם׃ “If you walk in My statutes and safeguard My commandments, and perform them,…” Rashi asks what it means to “walk” in a statute. He explains that this is not about technical compliance to a mitzvah, but about “laboring in the study of Torah.” In other words, God values effort, not just outcome.​This distinction matters deeply when we set expectations for children. Are we asking for a specific result, such as a grade or a clean room, or for effort and engagement? By being transparent, we give our children a clear, achievable metric for success. The first reward that God mentions is :וְנָתַתִּי גִשְׁמֵיכֶם בְּעִתָּם…”I will give your rains in their time…” According to Rashi, this means not just the right season, but a time when most people are home, ensuring the reward is helpful and not inconvenient. So too in our homes and classrooms, our rewards shouldn’t feel like bribes or arbitrary incentives; they should be logical and relevant consequences that naturally connect to and enhance a child’s life.

This principle applies to discipline as well. The Tochachah unfolds in stages that are meted out depending on Bnai Yisrael’s behavior. God says: וְאִם־עַד־אֵלֶּה לֹא תִשְׁמְעוּ לִי וְיָסַפְתִּי לְיַסְּרָה אֶתְכֶם… “And if, after all these, you do not listen to Me, I will continue to punish you.” Rashi explains that these consequences are sequential and measured. God not only lays out the expectations and consequences in advance, but also allows for course correction along the way.​When rules feel arbitrary or consequences come as a surprise, children feel frustrated and angry. But, if we follow the model in Bechukotai by laying out a clear “if/then” framework in advance, we remove the emotional “gotcha” moment. We give the child a sense of control. They aren’t simply being punished; they are experiencing the known result of their choices.​Finally, the parashah concludes with the promise: וְהִתְהַלַּכְתִּי בְּתוֹכְכֶם… “I will walk among you.” Rashi shares a parable of a king who goes for a stroll with his servant. The servant is intimidated, but the king reassures him, “Do not fear me, for I am just like you.” Our goal in defining expectations and outlining consequences should not be to instill fear, but rather to engender trust. True discipline is not about exerting power over children. Rather, it is about creating an environment where children feel supported, respected, and understood.

As we lead our classrooms and our homes, let us strive to implement this “Bechukotai” model of transparency. Let us be clear about what we expect and fair and consistent in how we respond, so that we aren’t just managing behavior; we are creating a safe space where we can walk alongside our children and help them grow into their best selves.

Shabbat Shalom.